Shifting Your Perspective on Weight Loss

Questioning the Messages We Are Fed

In our culture, the pressure to be thin and the resulting “fatphobia” can be hard to avoid. We often pick up messages from the media about how we should look to be considered attractive or worthy. This message says to us that we aren’t good enough as we are, a message that can be detrimental to our self-esteem. The contradictory information around dieting, weight loss, and body image can make it difficult to know what is healthy and how we can eat well, live in, and celebrate our bodies as they are.

Body Weight & Health

Despite what popular culture tells us, body weight alone is not an indicator of health. This means that someone can be at a higher weight and be healthy, or at a lower weight and be unhealthy. To say that everyone who appears overweight is unhealthy or that anyone who looks thin is healthy is an inaccurate generalization. To accurately assess health, we have to take into account:

  •  A person’s natural set point weight range (see more below)
  • Height
  • Muscle mass
  • Bone structure
  • Body fat
  • Genetics
  • Activity level
  • Eating patterns
  • Their relationship to food. 

There is also strong evidence of childhood trauma or traumatic experiences being associated with obesity and the development of binge eating disorder. It’s important to remember that weight is not only associated with physical health, but also with mental health. If you think your body weight may be connected to trauma in your past, and it’s something you’d like to heal from, it’s important to talk to a trusted mental health professional.

Natural Set Point Weight Range vs Body Mass Index (BMI)

Set point weight theory says that our weight, like our height, settles at a natural range due to our inherited biology and genetics. Once settled, this is the weight range that our body will continue to work to maintain, despite our efforts to alter it. Therefore, the vast majority of people who lose weight on diets will regain that weight.

Although our body will gravitate towards its set point, movement within a range is normal due to fluctuations in activity level, seasonal changes in eating patterns, or illness. Because of the variance among set points, standardized weight charts can be misleading and unhelpful.

On the other hand, Body Mass Index or BMI (sometimes also referred to as Ideal Body Weight) is defined as a measure of body fat based on weight and height. It’s calculated through the squared ratio of your weight to your height. Because BMI does not take into account muscle mass, bone structure, genetics, biology, metabolism, or activity level, BMI can portray an inaccurate, unhelpful picture of your physical health.

So how do I know what a healthy weight is for me?

Throughout your growing years, your body is still building bone and muscle, so your weight increases steadily. If your body is still growing, you may not have reached your natural range yet. However, if you have yourself weighed at the doctors, they can tell you where your height and weight averages for your age range. This may give you some insight, but remember, you’re growing. Your body can experience a lot of fluctuations in a short amount of time. 

For the rest of you, one way to think about a healthy weight for yourself is to ask what weight range your body has naturally settled in for long periods of time. Pay special attention to times when…

  • Maintaining this weight was natural (you did not have to under or overeat to achieve it)
  • You were eating well (in good health, not preoccupied with thoughts of food)
  • You had the physical and mental energy to do the things you wanted

The weight your body settled at during these times is likely your healthy weight range.

It’s also important to not define yourself by how you compare to averages or numbers your classmates or friends share about their BMI or weight. Our bodies are all different and that should be something to celebrate, not hate ourselves for.

Is there a healthy way to lose weight?

That depends.

If you’re eating a variety of healthy foods according to your body cues, exercising for fun and health, and maintaining your current weight, your body is probably at a healthy weight for you. In this case, it is unlikely that there’s a healthy way to lose weight because your body is already at a healthy weight.

Trying to lose weight at this point is likely to disrupt your internal body cues, which could:

  • Slow your metabolism
  • Increase the likelihood of bingeing
  • Decrease body image
  • Increase obsessive thoughts about food
  • Lower self-esteem
  • Increase risk of developing an eating disorder

Instead, you might benefit from focusing on the feelings that drive the desire to lose weight and improve your body image by practicing self-acceptance and compassion. You can also change things up while still maintaining healthy habits by trying new recipes or attempting a new sport.

What about getting fit?

Muscle mass itself is heavier than fat, so if you start working out and building muscle mass, you may see an increase in weight with a decrease in body fat. That’s another reason not to become obsessed with the number on your scale. It is just the relationship your body has to the gravitational pull of this earth.

If you decide you’d like to become more active, try following some fitness plans online or meeting with a personal trainer at a gym for more information. Moving your body and working towards a specific goal with it (so long as it’s coming from a healthy place) can increase your self-confidence and strengthen the relationship you have with yourself.

NOTE: If you suffer from an eating disorder or chronic health conditions, check with your doctor before starting any new workout plans.

Shifting Perspectives

If you believe your body is at a higher or lower weight than might be natural for you, you might want to change your eating or activity patterns. This type of weight change might occur due to:

  • Inactivity
  • Health-related issues (consider seeing a doctor if these changes are rapid)
  • Overexerting yourself
  • Over or undereating
  • Illness
  • Stress & trauma
  • Disconnection from your internal body cues

In this case, try not to focus on weight loss or gain, but rather on restoring health. What does healthy mean to you? Can you identify patterns that aren’t helping you feel your best? How could you shift those to create a healthier life for yourself?

You may want to try:

  • Practicing intuitive eating
  • Avoid dieting through set foods and restrictive eating
  • Being mindful while experimenting with small, simple changes
  • Identifying times when you’re more likely to use unhealthy patterns so you can brainstorm ways to replace them with healthier ones
    • If you tend to skip breakfast and only drink coffee in the morning because you’re rushing to get out of the door, you could try adjusting your sleep schedule so you can wake up early enough to make breakfast. Prepping food for the week could also help you have a breakfast that’s ready to go as you’re rushing out of the house. 
    • If you notice that you tend to binge on sugary foods when you’re in need of comfort, enjoy some of this comfort food AND look for alternate ways of coping with the stress you’re feeling.

Check out our Eating Well & Feeling Healthy article for more information.

Can your set point ever change?

Although our natural set point weight range tends to be rather steady, certain conditions can shift it over time. Chronic dieting, aging, overeating, or not getting enough activity can all increase your set point. Having a poor diet or overly restricting your caloric intake can cause a person’s metabolism to slow, resulting in lower calorie requirements to maintain the same weight.

For people who have experienced increases in their natural set point, restoring their set point may be possible through:

  • Increasing awareness (mindfulness) of internal body signals (e.g., hunger, fullness)
  • Eating mindfully, being present with every bite
  • Becoming more active, which increases your metabolism

Eating Disorder Recovery & Weight Loss

If you’ve recovered from an eating disorder, developing a healthy relationship to food, eating and your body was hopefully a part of your journey. If you’re engaged in eating well, listening to and respecting your body, then chances are your body is at a healthy weight and the urge to lose weight is an important emotional signal to pay attention to and understand.

For example, we are often taught that when we feel uncomfortable in our body, we should do something to change our body. Sometimes we transfer emotions to our body and try to resolve them through the way we eat or treat our bodies. These are important issues, but they are not resolved through weight loss.

If, on the other hand, you are not engaged in eating well and are having difficulty listening to your hunger and fullness cues, it might be tempting to turn to a diet or weight loss to structure your experience and “get things back on track”. The issue with this, however, is that diets ultimately alienate us from our bodies, overriding our body cues and making it difficult for us to eat intuitively and mindfully.

Rather than focusing on a diet or weight loss, try shifting your focus to restoring connection to and trust in your body, restoring health, and if needed, seeking out support from others—including, if necessary, a therapist, nutritionist, or doctor.

Steps for Seeking Support Around Weight Loss

If you’re curious about losing or gaining weight, or have questions around your natural set point, it’s a good idea to consult a health care professional. Your local doctor, nutritionist, or dietitian should be able to help you with this information. With support, you can focus on mapping out healthy, sustainable ways of eating that don’t just measure success through weight loss.

If you are working on changing your eating patterns, it may be helpful to check out community health centers or a nutritionist for information about what products or programs they offer. Before spending money, become fully informed about the weight loss program and check out the safety and credibility of the program or product you’re considering. 

Finally, if you ever find yourself becoming obsessed with the desire to lose weight or maintain a certain weight, it’s important to seek help. There are often underlying emotional issues behind this drive and support can help you address both the emotional and physical components.


Information for this article was provided by:
Acknowledgements: This article was partially developed by youth and staff for us.

About Youth Era

Youth Era is a nonprofit that works with teens and young adults to become happy, successful, and contributing adults members of their communities. The organization creates solutions for communities across the country that look beyond short-term assistance for the few and toward sustainable support for the many. To learn more, visit

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